The author recognizes that most nations, particularly the United States and Canada, are not forward thinking enough to understand that a country does not need to be in debt. The steps outlined below are not in order of priority – they are all equally necessary and should be undertaken simultaneously – but they are serious medicine for ending national deficits.

This advice is offered, therefore, as a public service. No need to thank me.

Stop funding any aboriginal groups

Look. These people were invaded a few hundred years ago. They’ve already been given tons of hand-outs and other goodies. We even sent lots of them to Catholic and Anglican residential schools where they were often able to get personal one-on-one education from the priests. We’ve paid them huge sums of money for the land we took from them and it’s about time they man up and accept the fact they got beat.

Let them stop whining and join society or get the hell out. We can find somebody else to run the damn casinos.

Stop funding any form of health care assistance, including grants to hospitals

You get sick on your own; you can manage to get better on your own. If you can’t, you’d better just pony up the cash for a good doctor. Why should anyone else have to pay for your illnesses – they didn’t give them to you. Most of your illnesses probably arose from living crappy lifestyles anyway, so it’s not like it isn’t your own fault.

And hospitals? Well, here in Canada they’re mostly public institutions and they’re notorious for squandering the public’s money. The hell with them – if they want these big fancy buildings with flashy equipment and more sanitary practices than you can shake a stick at, let them pay for it themselves. Where would they get the money? From the sick people. If they insist on being sick, let them pay for it.

Naturally, if sick people can’t pay for themselves, they’ll crawl off and be sick on their own. Rich people can pay for their medical care so if hospitals spend their money wisely, they’ll do just fine.

Frankly, they’ll be better off not having to see all those sick and injured poor people – a crowd like that can really ruin your day.

Stop funding public schools

This is a complete waste of money. An educated public is the last thing we need; it’s an obedient workforce, just smart enough to run the machinery and do the heavy lifting, that’s really needed. If we educate them, they’ll get ideas …

Rich people, of course, will continue to send their little bastards to private schools where they can turn out to be big bastards like their parents. But these are the folks that we need to run the country – the natural leaders and rightful heirs to the keys of government. So we can continue to be in good hands. If we’re lucky, most of them will become bankers. And then life will be much better for us all.

Stop any kind of funding related to job loss

What’s all this nonsense with insurance because you lost your job? If you lost your job, get off your ass and go get another one. Sheesh.

Stop funding benefits for military veterans

These folks chose to join the military. If they were too slow or too stupid to duck, well tough. They come back from these lengthy visits to foreign countries most of us will never get to see, and then expect the rest of us to feel sorry for them and to give them pensions and stuff. They were eager to travel to foreign spots where they could kill and maim foreign civilians, so they’ve certainly had their fun. Surely they realize that they have to pay for having such a good time?

I thought these people were supposed to be tough – then why do they need everybody else to take care of them? Let them work like all the other uneducated slobs. And if they can’t, well surely they’ve got friends or relatives who can spot them a few bucks.

And also, since they are so eager to do their duty, let them buy their own uniforms and guns and stuff.

Stop funding libraries

Now this has to be one of the most useless expenditures of money. Nobody reads books anymore. We all watch television and videos and the Internet. Today’s kids are functionally illiterate anyway.

Besides, since we’ve already agreed to stop funding public schools, they probably won’t be able to read anyway, so why would they need libraries? If they’re not smart enough to figure out on their own how to read, they can always work at Wal-Mart or run for Congress.

Stop funding government officials

These people have a glorious opportunity to get up close and personal with the public trough. Instead of paying them to rob us blind, make them pay an entrance fee before they get the job. Then they can suck up whatever they want without the nastiness of expecting us to pay them too.

Stop funding road and bridge building

This is another of those useless expenditures that government always seems so eager to force on us. Now some of that is surely because the government dudes have friends who run road and bridge building companies. But we’d be far better off making the people who use the roads pay for them. Why the hell should I have to pay to repave a road that I’m never going to drive on? And if some company a thousand miles away wants to be able to sell me something, let them pave their own road to get it to me.

Stop any sort of childcare allowance and any other publicly funded assistance for children

This is simple: If you can’t feed ‘em, don’t breed em. Nothing more needs to be said here.

Stop any sort of funding for low-cost housing or any form of rental/ownership assistance

If you want a house, earn it. Whatever kind of menial work you were able to find (after your freeloading schooling ended) should be enough that you can save some money to buy the kind of house that fits your station in life. Get rid of all those dreams of living in big fancy houses, you don’t deserve it. Besides, if money is short you ought to be able to squat somewhere and build a lean-to. Use your imagination.

Stop government funded retirement pensions, old age subsidies, or housing for the elderly

If these stupid old people went through their whole lives without realizing that some day they wouldn’t be able to work anymore, it serves them right. Really, how dumb are these people?

Besides, they’ve probably got kids who can pay for them. Or a bunch of these old codgers could get together to split rent or something. But it should be their problem, not ours.

Stop any form of subsidy, loan, or grant for university or college

You want a higher education? Take out your chequebook. Why the hell should I have to help pay your tuition just so you can end up with a better job and make more money than me? Do it yourselves, you useless leeches.

Stop any form of funding for drug addicts, teenage pregnancies, or family planning, or victims of crimes

These people are the scum of the Earth, and they should be treated that way. Let them die of overdoses or back alley abortions – they’ll be better off anyway.

And victims of crimes? Well, if you weren’t quick to pull out your weapon, that’s the price you pay.

Stop spending money on police

Who needs them? Aside from sticking their noses into how fast we might be driving, these people serve no purpose. Far better to buy everyone a gun and let them defend themselves.

Stop spending money on anything if there are charities doing the same work

Governments donate to fight cancer, and heart disease, and Crohn’s disease and the heartbreak of psoriasis. That’s a complete waste – there are charities out there doing that work already. Let them do it. They’re far better at public begging than government could ever be.

Remove all environmental legislation. Period.

These pesky laws prevent honest developers from turning our societies into Gardens of Eden. Yeah, most of the plants and animals will have to go – but it’s Nature, for crissakes - it’ll grow back. And if your water is dirty, drink something else.

End any sort of assistance for the disabled (physical, mental, psychiatric, - or any combination of those)

These weaklings should just be left to fend for themselves. It’s probably not their fault they have these conditions, but it’s not ours either. They’ll be better off dead, so just let them go.

End any sort of welfare assistance

Payment for doing nothing. Money to squander on booze and hookers and drugs. Instead of just giving it them, make them work for it or steal it. Giving it to them just encourages them to continue being the worthless dregs of society.

Stop holding elections

C’mon on now. We all know these things are only for show. And they’re bloody expensive. There is no reason for us to pretend that we have democratic choice.

Just appoint the same old rich white guys (with the occasional token woman or minority as an illusion of inclusiveness) to whatever positions they want. They don’t actually do anything anyway. They take their orders from corporate leaders, so it is completely irrelevant which rich white guy is wearing the clown shoes at any given time.

Start taxing churches, synagogues, mosques, and anything else that calls itself a house of worship

Seriously, these buggers have had it way too easy. They own some of the best real estate and they’re never shy about telling the rest of us how to behave. Let them start paying for the privilege.

Raise taxes on the lowest income

This will encourage the poor to work hard. And honestly, folks, they need this kind of incentive. Of course, taxes on the rich must be kept as low as possible in order to encourage them to keep up their fine work of running our nations.

And one last point

Stop expecting me to chip in when there’s a disaster in some other country. If it sucks where they live, let ‘em move. Just not here.

OR INSTEAD ….

You could follow the lead of a civilized country. Use Norway as an excellent exemplar.

Paul Richard Harris is an Axis of Logic editor and columnist, based in Canada. He can be reached at paul@axisoflogic.com