Shortchanging by Secret Service Draws Strong Rebuke

NEW YORK - Days after Secret Service agents shortchanged a group of prostitutes in Colombia, the international trade group representing hookers downgraded the United States' credit rating from AAA to B.

"Dania" cheated by cheap Secret Service cop.

The strong rebuke from the International Alliance of Professional Escorts came after a Secret Service agent reportedly paid one of its members $30 for an $800 service, or only 4% of the stated price.

The statement from the International Alliance of Professional Escorts said that in downgrading the United States' credit rating it was sending a clear message that its members should be aware that doing business with the government of the United States carries with it a significant risk.

"We are urging our members to avoid conducting transactions with the United States and to focus on more reliable customers, like the International Monetary Fund.", the statement added.

Just hours after the announcement from the escorts group, the U.S. Congress passed the following resolution blasting the Secret Service for its actions:

"We strongly denounce the Secret Service for consorting with prostitutes, which has traditionally been the role of members of congressongress's role."

But it was not all bad news this week for the Secret Service, which today reported a 5000% jump in enlistment.

The agency said that enlistment offices across the country have been packed with prospective agents, including House Speaker Newt Gingrich, who abruptly dropped out of the Presidential race to join.

Ann Romney and Michelle Obama reportedly told their husbands that if they win the 2012 elections they will forbid them to attend any Summit of the Americas held in Colombia in the future. In the same report the wives also demanded that any visits with President Juan Manuel Santos in the future take place in the United States or Venezuela and not in Colombia. The provocative positions taken by Michelle and Ann have already strained US-Colombian relations according to sources.

Source: The Borowitz report (editing and additional information provided by Axis of Logic)