Putin's New Year's Message Contains Coded Sinister Threats

Editor's Note:
In addition to the dire warnings contained below, it is now confirmed that Vladimir Putin owns the Internet. All of it. Google, and Facebook, and all the rest of it - especially all the pornography.

Enjoy your web surfing.

- prh, ed.

According to some western analysts, the New Year message given by Russian President, Vladimir Putin, may have contained a coded warning about his intentions for 2016. Experts have been analysing the former KGB officer’s body language and words, and believe that behind the message of goodwill to the Russian people his real aim was to send out a veiled threat to the West.

Putin's evil plans are just very well disguised

One Pentagon source, speaking on condition of anonymity, gave the following assessment:

“If you look carefully at the way he is standing, you’ll notice that he is not quite standing full on to the camera, but his left shoulder often drags just slightly behind his right. Ordinary people will not have spotted this, let alone realised its significance, but to those trained to watch out for such signs it has all the hallmarks of what we at the Pentagon call ‘Mudslingers Gait'”.

According to the source, Mudslingers Gait is a stance which can be identified in all former KGB officers. It was originally developed in the 1970s as a passive/aggressive posture aimed at throwing potential opponents off their guard therefore preventing anyone from “slinging mud at them”.

Along with the way Mr Putin was standing when he gave his message, the analyst pointed out a number of other significant signs which have set the alarm bells ringing amongst US intelligence experts. For instance, the fact that it was snowing in the background was clearly intended to convey the impression of freezing temperatures, which the analyst says sends out a message that Mr Putin intends to restart the Cold War, despite all attempts of western governments to prevent such a freeze in relations.

But perhaps even more significant was that he was filmed standing next to an evergreen tree, just a week after most in the West will have celebrated Christmas. According to the Pentagon source, this seemingly insignificant detail should not pass us by:

“Everyone knows that Russia is a howling wasteland of atheistic barbarians with no souls, and so the presence of something that looks like it could be a Christmas tree is a propaganda trick designed to make gullible westerners think that maybe they have changed. But can the leopard change his spots?”

Obviously planning something...

Even more significance is to be found in the origins of the Christmas tree, which is said to date back to the 8th century, when the English Bishop Winfrid (St Boniface), travelled to Geismar in Germany and stopped a human sacrifice at the “Thunder Oak”, which was dedicated to the worship of Thor, by taking up an axe and felling the tree with one swing. He is then reputed to have planted a small evergreen tree in its place, which immediately sprung up to an even greater size than the oak. The sight of Mr Putin standing next to an evergreen was probably intended to send out one of two possible messages:

“On the one hand,” said the source, “it could be that Putin sees himself as a sort of latter day St. Boniface and standing next to the tree was his way of saying to the West ‘you’d better watch out because I’ve got my axe and I’m coming to cut you down.’ Or it might mean that he sees himself as a sort of latter day Thor, eager for revenge at the cutting down of his oak, which would clearly refer in this case to the Soviet Union. Either way the message is a clear and stark warning to Western leaders.”

But it wasn’t just this fearful symbolism from the former KGB strongman that was evidently designed to send out a warning to the West of his intent in the coming 12 months; his words were also highly significant. A high ranking intelligence officer in the CIA, also speaking on condition of anonymity, said that Putin’s words have been analysed for signs of malicious content and Western Governments have since been notified of the impending risks:

“He mentioned production facilities, labour and common desire. It’s not difficult to see a communist theme running through these words and so I think it’s safe to assume that he sees 2016 as the year when he’ll try to impose communism on the entire world.”

Mr Putin, who used to work in the KGB and who yearns for a return of the Soviet Union, this time from New York to Vladivostok, mentioned joy, hope and excitement in his speech, as well as love and responsiveness, kind-heartedness and compassion. However, the fact that he didn’t smile at all when he mentioned these things is, according to the CIA source, an indication of his true motives and typical of “Russian aggression”.

He also singled out the work of the Russian armed forces, who he said “ensured security on land, at sea and in the sky,” — words which were deliberately chosen as they encompass just about everything, and so signal Mr Putin’s intent to take over the world.

But the most sinister part of the message was reserved for the end when he said, “Let us thank each other for understanding and support, for sympathy and responsiveness we give each other.” Hearing those words spoken might not appear to convey anything sinister, but when written down, according to a NATO spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity, they contain a message that should put fear into all of us:

“Read that sentence again, but this time capitalise the main concepts he mentions. ‘Let us thank each other for Understanding and Support, for Sympathy and Responsiveness we give each other.’ Understanding. Support. Sympathy. Responsiveness. I don’t know what that spells in Russian, but in English the start of those words spells only one thing: USSR.”

When I put all this insurmountable evidence of Putin’s plans for 2016 to a Kremlin spokesman, he just laughed and said he had “better things to do with his time than answer such spurious tosh”.

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