Letters to the president from his ardent admirer Belacqua Jones

Friday, April 27, 2007

Dear George, 

It’s about time!  For too long the internet has been a septic tank of anarchy and freedom, spreading its rank odor the length and breadth of America’s Main Street. I am glad there are plans to pump it out and fill it with the concrete of decency and order. 

We live in an age when there is no greater threat to our National Security than liberty.  As DHS Secretary Michael Chertoff put it, the net is a “terrorist training camp” where every dissenting view that is posted carries within it a dormant seed of potential terrorist activity.  You summed it up when you complained that internet bloggers are creating an “adversarial and ugly climate.”  Democracies sputter because they are so adversarial. 

What I really love is a campaign to force bloggers to register with the government and to report their activities to Congress.  Empire needs control and consensus if it is to grow.[1] 

My only criticism is that these measures fail to address an even greater threat to our National Security than the internet. 

George, there are millions upon millions of private rooms in America that are completely unsupervised.  The potential for evil is staggering!  Where do terrorists hatch their plots; where do criminals plan their crimes; where does sexual exploitation take place; where do pedophiles fantasize their fantasies?   

Private rooms!

Bringing the internet under total regulation and surveillance is but a half measure as long as there is a single unmonitored private room in America. 

The American people have a right to a total security that will be achieved only when we have a program of surveillance so comprehensive that the Department of Homeland Security will be able to count the pubic hairs on a hooker as she strips down for her next trick.   

Your admirer,

Belacqua Jones

 
Comments in response to this post:

ah yes, 1984 -- let's put a camera in every single home/room....
but the logistical problem with that is -- who's gonna watch all those cameras??? ask baby bush that one

great post!