The CDCR (California Department of Confinement and Rigor-mortis) announced today that it released 84 year-old prisoner, Frank Smith, from prison. Smith had been imprisoned for 56 years for possession of an ounce of marijuana, and was the first prisoner in the last 16 years to be released by the CDCR. The prison population remained at a staggering 3.5 million, so the million member Prison Guard’s union was not overly concerned about their jobs, second homes, or luxury yachts moored throughout California.
The fact that Smith was a paraplegic, and had been in a coma for the last four months, didn’t assuage the concerns of San Francisco Chronicle columnist, Debra Saunders, who immediately went into hiding when she heard of Smith’s release. She pointed out that the glitch in the law that would allow a hardened criminal to be released on a defenseless population was certainly going to be brought to the attention of the most right-wing legislator she could find. Since she was already on the payroll of seven such representatives, that wasn’t an overly burdensome task for her. She called Homeland Security, the FBI, and the CIA and requested that they place an armed guard around her hideout, in a secluded, undisclosed residence. She did indicate in her latest column, though, that naïve Californians should prepare to have their cars stolen, their computers hacked, and their children raped, as a result of Smith’s release.
Chronicle crime reporter, Robert Egelko, spoke with his good friends in every police department, jail and prison that he could find, and pointed out the dangers that a release like Smith’s might portend for the future. “California’s economy is totally dependent on imprisoning the largest number of individuals possible, and releasing them before the prison guards have an opportunity to triple their numbers, is a reckless action during these hard budget times,” he stated. He underscored the fact that, unlike Saunders, he was not personally concerned for his safety, but was quite worried that small children would see Smith’s early release as an indication that smoking marijuana was not necessarily an evil act. He explained that he would spend his next three weeks of columns advocating for the prison guard union, foaming at the mouth about crime, and urging all Californians to finance another seven prisons in the only remaining cities that didn’t already have one.
All of the members of the California Parole Board went underground when the release was announced, and stated that they would reappear when they felt it was safe to be seen in public. They explained that Smith’s release was mandatory, and that none of them would violate the public trust by voluntarily releasing anyone that appeared before them. They immediately telephoned the legislators that had appointed them, to assure them that there was no change in the Board’s policy of denying every release ever sought by any of the 38 members of the Board.
Governor Jerry Brown said he hadn’t been briefed about the release ahead of time, and was unprepared to make any comment. He wasn’t aware that California had a prison system, or the number of inmates in it, but said he would get back to the press when he had studied the issue more closely.
The California Legislature called an emergency session to discuss Smith’s release, and to try to mitigate any negative image the public might have concerning the lawmakers. Because Saunders was in hiding, and Egelko was busy caressing the police/prison axis, the legislators felt they were safe at least for another week. They discussed various possibilities to ensure that no further mistakes like the Smith release occurred again: mandatory confinement for paraplegics; lengthier prison sentences for all convicted felons; mandatory imprisonment for most misdemeanors; and, higher fines for loitering, misusing prescriptions, or jaywalking.
Republicans expressed relief about Smith’s release, pointing out that they would now have an issue that they could use to regain seats during the next election. “This issue sure beats the hell out of Sarah Palin, or the Tea Party,” announced one Republican senator.
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Luke Hiken is an attorney who has engaged in the practice of criminal, military, immigration, and appellate law.
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