Mistaken for Berlusconi: God Brings a Lawsuit Against the Times

Dio e Berlusconi

To the British Prosecutor, London Court, Lawsuit Act:

The undersigned, legal representative of God, the Lord, the Supreme, Eternal, Infinite Creator of the Universe states as follows:

1) My Client does not need anymore representations.

2) The Times on May 16 published an interview with Anna Palumbo in which my assisted was confused with the Italian Government Premier; the next day the mistake was corrected.

3) Silvio Berlusconi, according to our information, is a person of questionable morality and to be mistaken for the one and only Lord is not acceptable to Him.

So, according to the seventh commandment, as the Book of Exodus tells:

You shall not make wrongful use of the name of the Lord your God, for the Lord will not acquit anyone who misuses his name.

And to the facts above, it was proposed to bring a lawsuit against the Times.

However, since the newspaper is responsible for a mere transcription error and considering that Italian premier is truly guilty of the breach, having concentrated on himself international attention for his extramarital escapade; since Italy, according to the OECD, was at the end of 2008 in the 23rd place for earnings on the list of the 30 countries that are part of the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development; since the Times published last Saturday a research which indicates that Italian Members of Eu Parliament as the most paid in Europe and the most guilty of absenteeism, it is suggested this solution:

Elected candidates in Italy to represent the country in Europe will have cut their salary of fifty percent. They will receive the remaining pay in proportion of the actual number of admissions, while the residual amount will be uses the help Italian poor people.

Lucifer, Legal Representative for God
Eden, 18 May 2009

(PS: Lucifer’s the best lawyer God could find…)

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The News:

From Times Online, May 18, 2009: Clarification
A report (“The teenage model, the £5,000 pendant and the Prime Minister”, May 16) quoted Anna Palumbo, the mother of Noemi Letizia, saying that she hoped Silvio Berlusconi could do for her daughter what he did not manage to do for her, implying that she had known Mr Berlusconi in the 1980s during her early TV career. This quote was, in fact, given to an Italian journalist and was mistranslated in our report. Ms Palumbo was not referring to Mr Berlusconi when she said “il Signore” but to “the Lord”, meaning God. There was, therefore, no implication that she knew Mr Berlusconi in the 1980s. We apologise for any embarrassment caused.

Between Two Souths