My Palace, My Palace! [English] | Haiti |Axisoflogic.com

MAIN CHARACTERS:

JOSEFINE
ALICE
MANNO
OFFICIAL 1
BACK NEIGHBOR
MISSIONARY MAN
MISSIONARY WOMAN
FRENCH OFFICIAL
BRITISH DUCHESS
PHOTOGRAPHER
AMERICAN OFFICIAL

MUSIC:

Examples of excellent recordings of “Choucoune” and “Haiti Cherie” including those of el Grupo Vocal Desandann.

The curtain rises on four tents built of sticks and brightly-colored bedsheets. The action will take place in and near the central tent. Its left, right, and back sides are shared with neighboring tents. Every bedsheet is impecabble. The overall impression is of an interpretive sculpture. A sea-blue front bedsheet rises from the stage-left corner of the center tent. A stunning Haitian woman steps outside. She frowns at the sky as the morning sun lights her face. She is about thirty and wearing a strapless white cotton dress that flares from the waist and stops at her knees. Loud church bells ring one, two,..., six.

JOSEFINE: Alice, Manno! Wake up sweethearts! The church bells just rang six o'clock.

ALICE: [Unseen.] Mommy, there are no more church bells. The earthquake destroyed the Sacre Coeur.

JOSEFINE: Everybody heard the church bells. Start boiling the water, young lady.

She steps back into the tent, reappears with a broom with which she rapidly sweeps the dirt floor. Hums to herself. Dust rises. A boy of about eight can be seen laying on a mat. He rolls to face the audience.

MANNO: Coughs [waives away the dust, and rubs his eyes].

JOSEFINE: Manno, get today's front bedsheet for your Mommy.

MANNO: Mom!

JOSEFINE: What day is it Manno?

MANNO: Thursday, Mommy.

JOSEFINE: What color?

ALICE: [Unseen. In singsong voice.] If it's Thursday we raise yellow!

JOSEFINE: I can't hear you, Manno.

ALICE AND MANNO: If it's Thursday, we raise yellow!

Manno grabs a chair with one hand to rise from his mat then switches to a crutch. With a slight limp, he walks to a corner in back of the tent and returns with a folded yellow bedsheet on one arm. He hands it to his mother.

JOSEFINE: That's my boy! [She opens the bedsheet and examines it.] Umh. Too many creases. Manno, would you please iron out this bedsheet?

Manno's shoulders slump. He shuffles inside and out of sight.

ALICE: [Simultaneously]. Mommy, why? The sheet's just going to catch the rain and dirt!

JOSEFINE: Alice! [Pauses.] You're too smart for your own good, my girl. Is the water ready sweetie? Today's our turn to make lunch for the block.

BACK NEIGHBOR: [May be played by a man or woman] What's cooking darling?

JOSEFINE: Cornmeal with a little herring and avocado on the side.

BACK NEIGHBOR: Bless your heart girl!

Indistinct shouts from afar. The audience hears "democracy... revolution... future generations..., a better Haiti..., phoenix rising from the ashes..., liberty, equality, fraternity, etc. Both children run outside. Save for Alice's braided hair, she could be a boy of about ten. The shouts grow louder as an official in a suit jogs into view from stage right. He is coated with dust and clutching his head.

OFFICIAL 1: My Palace, my Palace! My palace, my palace! Oh Lord, what will I do now? I lost my palace! Pouf! Just like that! Everything is gone! The tax office gone! The parliament gone! My beautiful white palace gone!

Josefine steps back, pulling both children with her.

OFFICIAL 1: [Walks directly to Josefine's tent. His behavior is that of someone facing a closed door. He taps on one of the supports with a cane.] Fifine, I know you're in there. Fifine, open up. Please take me back, I beg you! I'll give you anything you want. I swear I'll build you a new palace, bigger than the last! I'll surround it with fields of oleander, creeping bougainvilleas, the tallest palms, the broadest flamboyants. Every nightingale will sing Fifine, Fifine!

MANNO and ALICE: Daddy!

OFFICIAL 1: [Drops to his knees and clutches both children.] My angels!

JOSEFINE: [Steps forward, pulls away the children.] Your father was a good man, but he went to Guinea. Don't you go calling every fool Daddy.

OFFICIAL 1: What do you want my little Alice? What do you want my little Manno? Just tell me. I'll give you anything you want. Anything at all.

Manno cups his hands around his sister's ear to whisper a secret. She looks at her mother, who is glaring at them, cups her hands around her brother's ear.

MANNO and ALICE: [In unison, and singsong tone, staring at their feet.] I don't want anything. I've got everything I need, and I don't ever accept anything from strangers.

OFFICIAL 1: Look at me, my own little ones. Am I not your dad?

MANNO AND ALICE: [Look up at their mother again, who glares at them. In unison and singsong, staring at their feet.] I haven't got a dad. My dad is in Guinea. I am a special child, born of an immaculate conception/consumption. [Alice says conception. Manno says consumption].

ALICE: Conception!

MANNO: Consumption!

ALICE: Conception too!

MANNO: Consumption!

JOSEFINE: It is conception my darlings. Now hush.

ALICE: You see!

OFFICIAL 1: Fifine, why do you tell our kids such crazy stories? Didn't you get married at the Sacre Coeur on July 31, 1999?

JOSEFINE: Yes, I got married at the Sacre Coeur on July 31, 1999.

OFFICIAL 1: Didn't the rain suddenly stop when we stepped out of the church?

JOSEFINE: Yes, such good luck, wasn't it?

OFFICIAL 1: Didn't the butterflies come out just to see you?

JOSEFINE: Yes, it was the season of the butterflies.

OFFICIAL 1: Didn't the ylang-ylang's sweet fragrance overwhelm the reception?

JOSEFINE: Yes, come to think of it. The ylang-ylang smelled heavenly.

OFFICIAL 1: Fifine darling, didn't we dance all evening under the full moon?

JOSEFINE: Yes, I so love to dance.

OFFICIAL 1: [On one knee, one hand extended in a dance invitation, begins to sing.] "Choucoune ce te ou marabou, ..." [His singing fades as a live choir or recorded version of the song begins. Josefine accepts the hand. She dances sexily around him as he slowly spins on one knee to face her. He gracefully stands, puts one arm around her waist, and they continue to dance.] You are my girl. You will always be my girl. Darling Fifine!

JOSEFINE: I never wanted a palace, you know. A little house with a vegetable garden is all I ever wanted. [She steps back. Music stops.] I was your dance partner but never your girl! I married your twin brother. [To the children] This is your crazy uncle. He needs help. [The children retreat into the tent.]

ALICE: [To Manno.] Consumption! Yadiyadiyada!

OFFICIAL 1: What are you cooking in there, darling? There was never a cook better than my Fifine now, was there? May I have a little taste? Just a little?

JOSEFINE: We are boiling the day's water. [She slowly steps inside and returns with a cast-iron pot. She tosses the pot's contents of confetti toward the man.] Eat this, you fool!

He has guessed her intention and dived out of range.

OFFICIAL 1: You were such a sweet girl when we met! How did you get so mean Fifine? I'll get back on my feet and build you another palace, Fifine. You'll see. [He bows to her with a flourish, then clutches his head as he arrived and jogs away toward stage left.] My palace my palace! My palace my palace! My palace my palace! Democracy..., our beautiful slave republic..., liberty! My palace my palace!

NEIGHBORHOOD CHILDREN: [Pour onto the stage from behind the tents chasing him and screaming] My palace my palace! My palace my palace!

JOSEFINE: [Returns to her sweeping, more violently now.] Manno, you boil some water. Alice, you iron this bedsheet. Too many creases.

ALICE: Mom, I boil the water. Manno irons the bedsheet.

MANNO:[Pops outside with a slingshot and aims toward stage left.] Got him! [Runs inside.]

A man and woman approach from stage left. They are dressed like turn of the century missionaries. The woman looks pregnant. The man's face is bruised. He is patting his cheek.

MISSIONARY MAN: I saw him run in here. Where's the little devil?

MANNO: [Exaggerated limp.] Good morning sir. Good morning mam. Bless you both!

MISSIONARY WOMAN: Such a sweet child! Can he speak English?

Alice starts a chorus of "Old McDonald Had a Farm" as she appears. Manno enters in the middle of the song. Josefine steps forward, smiling.

MISSIONARY WOMAN: What cute children! And so polite! May I have them?

MISSIONARY MAN: You would teach them so well about the one true lord.

MISSIONARY WOMAN: And I wouldn't have to wait so long for a baby! Can you say "my name is Jared" dear?

ALICE: [In English] His name is Emmanuel!

JOSEFINE: [To Alice] That's enough. [To the missionaries] I am Josefine, and these are my girl and boy. Have you got rice for us?

MISSIONARY MAN: Only if you repent for your sins, mam. May I call you Marie?

JOSEFINE: [Quietly to Manno] You should not have missed. [To the missionaries.] We will all repent for everything when you show us the rice.

ALICE: Mommy!

JOSEFINE: [To Alice] When you need Kongo, you call him Yaya.

MISSIONARY WOMAN: Yaya, what a silly name for a child. Why do Haitians call their kids weird stuff like that? I'll call you Theresa.

ALICE: My name is Alice!

JOSEFINE: [To Alice] Theresa dear, I am warning you. You had better repent right this minute. [To the missionaries] How kind of you to bring some rice for us hungry sinners!

MISSIONARY WOMAN: I need some privacy.

JOSEFINE: Manno, bring the bedsheet and chamber pot.

They hang the sheet so it divides the tent in two, perpendicularly to the audience. The missionary woman can be seen reaching under her dress and untying a bag of rice from her abdomen. When she is finished, she pulls the bedsheet aside. A 25-lb bag of rice lies on the floor and she is no longer pregnant.

ALICE: Mommy, her baby is a sac of rice!

MANNO: It is immaculate consumption, Mommy.

JOSEFINE: Hush children! Let us pray.

All form a circle and join hands.

MISSIONARY MAN: Dear lord. Thank you for bringing us here to educate the ignorant and make them see the light, lord. We are grateful to be the agents of your good work. Here stands this simple woman who has produced these children out of her sin and pleasure, dear lord, because the devil is in her. Please make her change her ways, lord, by the miracle of your son. Amen.

JOSEFINE: A-men! [She squeezes the children's hands.]

ALICE AND MANNO: Amen!

MISSIONARY WOMAN: Jared, Theresa, would you like to see Utah?

ALICE: What's Utah?

MISSIONARY WOMAN: It's a pretty place that's got mountains.

ALICE: Haiti is pretty and has got mountains.

MISSIONARY WOMAN: Utah's got big families.

ALICE: I've got a big family.

MISSIONARY WOMAN: Utah's got good parents.

ALICE: I've got good parents.

MISSIONARY WOMAN: But you haven't got a dad!

ALICE: I do too! He is crazy, but he loves me.

MANNO: Me too!

JOSEFINE: That is their uncle, not their dad.

MISSIONARY MAN: I knew it.

MISSIONARY WOMAN: In Utah, you could be anything you want to be. Like... a nurse's aid!

MISSIONARY MAN: Or a cook!

MISSIONARY WOMAN: Or a waiter!

MISSIONARY MAN: A valet!

MISSIONARY WOMAN: A cashier!

ALICE: [Interrupting] I am going to be a public health worker, and Manno is going to be an agronomist.

MANNO: Do you make lots of rice in Utah?

MISSIONARY WOMAN: We've got a big house in Utah.

ALICE AND MANNO: [In singsong unison] I don't want a big house! All I ever wanted was a little house with a vegetable garden.

BACK NEIGHBOR: All this talk of rice and vegetables is making me hungry, Fifine.

JOSEFINE: [Guiding the missionaries out.] Would you please excuse me? I must cook lunch for the block. Thank you for coming. Thank you for the rice. I feel lighter without my sins already.

MANNO: [Exagerrated limp.] Blessings on you all! Goodbye sir! Goodbye mam!

MISSIONARY MAN AND WOMAN: Goodbye Marie! Goodbye Jared! Goodbye Theresa! [To each other] Such a simple, gentle people.

Missionaries continue toward stage right and behind the tent, as if about to visit another tent.

JOSEFINE: I'll want some quiet here while I take care of the lunch. Manno, practice your slingshot. Alice, call me if someone's coming.

Manno aims then ducks inside. Alice looks outside in both directions. She steps onto a chair and replaces the blue curtain with a yellow one. Other tents simultaneously change their front colors (either with lighting or changes of the sheets). Alice sits on the floor, sings or mumbles to herself as she assembles a doll house from bits of cardboard.

ALICE: Manno, it's ready!

MANNO: [Aims at the house. As it collapses, he and his sister jump for joy.] My palace, my palace!

Indistinct noises of an approaching crowd. As before, the audience hears "democracy..., phoenix rising from the ashes..., revolution... future generations..., a new Haiti..., fraternity, etc. Both children run outside. A delegation of suited men circle at stage front around a very short man. All address a short man in the center.

OFFICIAL 1: One hundred thousand tents!

OFFICIAL 2: [French pronounciation] Infrastructure!

OFFICIAL 3: [French pronounciation] Euros!

OFFICIAL 4: Police!

OFFICIAL 1: My Palace, my palace!

Official 2 kicks official 1.

OFFICIAL 1: [Startled.] Two hundred thousand tents!

OFFICIAL 2: Infrastructure!

Official: Euros!

OFFICIAL 4: Police!

This repeats, with the tents multiplying with every cycle.

JOSEFINE: Alice, Manno, take this food around the block. [Hands one pot to each child.] Two scoops from the large, one from the small. Start with Granny Anna, OK.

ALICE: She doesn't eat, Mommy.

MANNO: [Simultaneously with Alice] She gives us herbal baths to protect us from missionaries.

JOSEFINE: You two sure look like you could use a bath.

ALICE: She gives her food to the pigeons, Mommy.

MANNO: She puts her food on an altar, Mommy.

JOSEFINE: Hush, you two, and move along.

The children shuffle out. They merge briefly into the circling officials and finally exit at stage right, as if going toward the back of the tents. Josefine observes the circling officials from her entryway. The central figure breaks from the circle and runs toward her. All the other officials switch to "My palace, my palace" and exit at stage left.

FRENCH OFFICIAL: Fifine! [Kisses her right hand, then her cheeks, four times.]

JOSEFINE: It is you! Such a long time! You’ve grown! [She walks around him and inspects him from head to toe].

FRENCH OFFICIAL: Why talk about my height, Fifine, when I'm here for such a little while? Look... I remembered your perfume.

JOSEFINE: Heavenly! Ylang-ylang.

FRENCH OFFICIAL: And the silk scarf I promised you.

JOSEFINE: Beautiful! [Ties the scarf around her head] Thank you.

FRENCH OFFICIAL: They are French, of course.

JOSEFINE: I hear your wife is a singer, and very beautiful. Does she whip you as I used to?

FRENCH OFFICIAL: Oh Fifine, that was youthful folly. All behind us now. I am so terribly ashamed!

JOSEFINE AND FRENCH OFFICIAL: [Wistfully.] Ahhh!

FRENCH OFFICIAL: You were such a spitfire!

JOSEFINE: You were so short.

FRENCH OFFICIAL: Must you be so cruel, Fifine, after I travel for so long to see you. I got into the Dominican Republic yesterday morning, because there were no flights into Port-au-Prince. I think your husband was having a fling with an American woman in the airport. L’amour, of course. But not with body scanners! What is the world coming to?

JOSEFINE: He is not my...

FRENCH OFFICIAL: [Interrupting her.] All day I rode on a horse called Farouk, who would not move unless someone coddled him in Spanish and then would not cross the border at all. After that, a donkey called Banda took me to Jacmel but refused to come to Port-au-Prince. I walked to you from Jacmel, Fifine. I did it all for you, darling, to rebuild your palace.

JOSEFINE: A palace?

FRENCH OFFICIAL: The whitest and most magnificent palace there will ever be! It will have ten domes! More if you want. All convex, Fifine! You always did like domes, didn’t you?

JOSEFINE: You mean a museum?

BACK NEIGHBOR: Nice perfume Fifine. Give me one of your palaces, girl. It’s drafty in here.

FRENCH OFFICIAL: [As if he has not heard the neighbor.] No... not at all... Not a museum... A palace... Like the old days.

JOSEFINE AND FRENCH OFFICIAL: [Together] Ahhh! The old days! Liberty, equality, fraternity/palace builder! [The official says fraternity, as if in a dream; Josefine says palace builder, as if waking from a dream.]

JOSEFINE: Who would have thought you’d become a palace builder.

FRENCH OFFICIAL: I am still a very important head of state, you know. I am expected in Guadeloupe in one hour. Well, I must be going. [Kisses her four times on the cheeks.] Au revoir Fifine! Au revoir!

Tries to run to stage left, but one foot slips from its shoe.

JOSEFINE: [Picks up and examines the shoe.] Ahah! Yes... Very clever! So that’s how you grow taller!

FRENCH OFFICIAL: [Snatches the shoe, straightens into an official posture and waive. He marches away.] Adieu Fifine! [Exit stage left.]

OFFICIALS OFFSTAGE: Two million tents! Vive la France! Euros! Police!

Alice and Manno enter from stage right wearing different clothes from when they left. Alice is carrying a jug of water and Manno a bunch of bananas. They drop their provisions in front of their mother.

MANNO: The water is from Soraya, the bananas are from Simon, and the money is from Anita [Hands his mother some bills.].

ALICE: [Pointing at her clothes] Granny Anna dunked us again. Said she wanted Jared and Theresa to leave our heads. She is crazy, Mommy.

JOSEFINE: I should go get rid of this Marie woman too, come to think of it... Did Irma give you homework?

MANNO: [Pulls a sheet of paper from a pocket and hands it to Josefine.] Mommy! I learned about circles! The circumference of a circle is pi times...

ALICE: [Interrupting and waiving a sheet of her own.] I'm learning about capital and interest! Word problems are so hard Mommy!

JOSEFINE: [Examines the sheets of paper.] Very well... Lots of problems to work out. Such good people... Did you say thank you and kiss everybody without making faces?

New commotion. All duck inside the tent. An imperial woman is arriving from stage left. Her very British entourage follows, carrying a large pink cardboard box. A photographer is snapping pictures of the group.

BRITISH DUCHESS: So lovely to find our dedicated young British men and women building pink boxes for Haiti. I am proud indeed of our box-building skills. We shall go from strength to strength, and color to color, in this great enterprise over the next century.

Applause.

BRITISH DUCHESS: [To photographer.] We need a photo of a Haitian family in our pink box.

Continues speech to her entourage. Audience hears "a testament..., dedication..., good will...," Photographer knocks on Josefine's tent.

PHOTOGRAPHER: [Handing his card to Josephine] Good day mam. I work with the Ascot Daily. We are ideally positioned to bring Haiti's great tragedy to the attention of the United Kingdom’s most distinguished readership.

JOSEFINE: Good morning sir. Is this your queen? [Tossing a glance toward the Duchess.]

PHOTOGRAPHER: Well, sort of.

JOSEFINE: Would you like to interview me?

PHOTOGRAPHER: Oh, no interview needed at all. Just a photo. Have you any children?

ALICE: [Appears. Examines his camera.] May I try it?

JOSEFINE: Alice stop. [To the photographer] Will you send me the published article?

PHOTOGRAPHER: Certainly... certainly.

He hands Josephine another card while he guides her and Alice into the box, where they stand. The Duchess steps onto a small platform besides the box. All gather around the Duchess and box.

PHOTOGRAPHER: [To Josefine and Alice] When I say ready, cover your faces and cry.

PHOTOGRAPHER: Ready!

The photographer’s back is to the audience. Manno appears from behind the group and aims at photographer. The camera collapses.

MANNO AND ALICE: [Jumping.] My palace, my palace! My palace, my palace!

BRITISH DUCHESS: Oh! Such a dangerous place! Such beastly children!

All gather around the Duchess and begin to move her toward stage left. Josephine follows with the box and gives it to the photographer. An american official appears from stage right.

AMERICAN OFFICIAL: Duchess baby, I've been looking for you all morning!

BRITISH DUCHESS: Oh William! Why did you bring me to such a horrid place?

AMERICAN OFFICIAL: What’s a few mosquitoes, sweetie? Think of the return you can make on your investments here. Just look at it this way. Get 100 pink boxes for free, your associate here sells each for a thousand dollars, and voila! They haven't got pink boxes in Haiti. They can't make pink boxes. They haven't got box technology here at all. Haitians love colors! They haven’t discovered pink yet. They'll buy the stuff like hot cakes. [Noticing Alice.] In a few years, this little lady here will be making your boxes. If you don't want to share the technology, you can always assemble two sides here, two sides in China, and paint it in Mexico. And if you don't want anybody else to sell a box here ever, I can arrange it. Think about it. Where else could you get a deal this sweet?

BRITISH DUCHESS: Take me to my castle. They haven't got a proper palace in this hellhole. How uncivilized! These savages carry cash. And… and… work on Sundays! Awful! Awful! [Sobs. Leaves with entourage toward stage left].

AMERICAN OFFICIAL: Give my love to the queen and prince charming, Marquise baby. [Notices Josephine. Wolf whistles. Approaches, leering.] Woman's mahogany: the older the better!

He and the children follow Josefine as she walks to the tent.

AMERICAN OFFICIAL: [Whistles again and approaches.] Pretty woman, ugly scene.

Through the rest of this dialogue, he never takes his hands off of Josefine, and he appears to hear only Josephine.

BACK NEIGHBOR: Another palace for you in our country of campers, no doubt! I've got five goats in Jacmel, and a little plot of land. Wouldn't you like some quiet, Fifine? Let us convince the block to come with us to Jacmel.

JOSEFINE: [To neighbor.] Your hands have heart.

BACK NEIGHBOR: It is I, it is they.

AMERICAN OFFICIAL: Many hands lighten the load, baby. I feel your pain!

JOSEFINE: Umhumh.

ALICE: His hello is a lie.

AMERICAN OFFICIAL: Behind mountains, more mountains!

JOSEFINE: Yes will climb no mountain.

MANNO: A coward buries his mother.

JOSEPHINE [to Manno]: Careful ain't coward.

JOSEPHINE AND BACK NEIGHBOR: Yank the yucca and clear the field.

AMERICAN OFFICIAL: Carefully plant the field yucca... That’s a nice one...

Noise of returning officials from stage right. Indistinct shouts about "democracy... revolution... future generations..., Haiti in bloom..., phoenix from the ashes..., liberty, equality, fraternity, etc. Officials jog in a circle.

AMERICAN OFFICIAL: See you around, baby!

He dives into the center of the circle. All the others address him.

OFFICIAL 2: Infrastructure! [English pronounciation]

OFFICIAL 3: Dollar-dollar!

OFFICIAL 4: Police patrol!

OFFICIAL 1: Twenty million tents!

AMERICAN OFFICIAL: Beyond the tents, more tents! Carefully plant the field yucca!

NEIGHBORHOOD CHILDREN: [Pour onto the stage from behind the tents chasing them and screaming.] My palace my palace! My palace my palace!

Music from a live choir or recording of: “Haiti Cherie,...”

CURTAIN

Special Notice:

All rights reserved. Rights to "My Palace, My Palace" are reserved for performances whose proceeds will go to the Haitian people. Permission for republication, redistribution or any other use of this play is forbidden except by express, written permission by Axis of Logic or the author/playwright. Contact Axis of Logic for more information. We encourage other publishers to provide a link to this article with a brief description.