Faith is believing what you know ain’t so.

 - Mark Twain

There is an annual wringing of hands by many in the Christian community, especially in Canada and the United States. It seems they are perturbed by the celebration of Christmas as it is generally conducted in the West – that is, a grand exuberance of consumerism and the spirit of commercial activity.

No doubt there are some who are earnest in their dislike of the season of gluttony. But let’s face it, who the hell are they to deny that Christmas – and indeed Christians – are a mockery of the man himself.

Here’s what it means to be a Christian today:

• You will deny with all your strength the existence of literally thousands of gods claimed by other religions. But you are invariably outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.
  

• You say that the scientists who believe humans evolved from lower life forms insult and dehumanize you. But somehow you’re okay with the Biblical notion that you were created from dirt.
  

• You laugh at those who believe in polytheism (that means more than one god, in case you don’t know). But you’ve got no problem with a Trinity god. Sort of like a god with two carbon copies.
  

• When you hear about atrocities attributed to Allah (and, to be fair, there are lots), you turn apoplectic with rage. But you don’t even flinch when you speak about how your God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies in Egypt (see Exodus) or ordered the extermination of entire ethnic populations, including women and children – even their animals, for Pete's sake (see Joshua). Or when you burned heretics at the stake. Or dunked them in water to see if they’d drown.
  

• You laugh at the Hindus who deify humans and the Greeks for believing their gods got it on with mortals. But to you it seems perfectly reasonable that the ‘Holy Spirit’ knocked up Mary. Who then gave birth to a man-god. Who got himself killed. Then came back to life. Ta dah!

 

Pregnancy test - the Virgin Mary pees on a stick

• You are willing to spend an immense amount of time – your whole lives, some of you – looking for loopholes in what seems like pretty solid science about the age of the Earth (about 4.55 billion years, not 4000 as some of you believe). Instead, you’re prepared to swallow dates recorded by pre-historic herdsmen living in tents who guessed the Earth was probably no more than a couple of generations old.
  

• You believe that the entire population of the planet – with the exception of those who share your beliefs (well, so long as they don’t belong to some rival variation of your beliefs) – are going to spend eternity in a hell of fire and torment. Yet you consider your religion to be the most tolerant and loving.
  

• Science, history, geology, biology have failed to convince you of anything. But some idiot rolling around on the floor ‘speaking in tongues’ might be all the proof you need of your beliefs.
  

• And aren’t prayers something special? You’re willing to accept that if 0.01% of them seemingly are answered (not just the random coincidence intelligent people know this to be), why then that’s proof that prayer works. The 99.99% failure rate is clearly just God’s will.
  

• You usually know a lot less about the Bible, your own religion, Christian and church history than Atheists. But you still call yourselves Christians.

If you’re that kind of Christian and you’re complaining about putting Christ back into Christmas, then you, my friend, are a complete waste of space and skin. Do the world a favour and check out now – you know, to avoid the rush of the Rapture.

I’ll leave the last word to American magician, comedian, illusionist, juggler, bassist and best-selling author Penn Jillette:

There is no god, and that’s the simple truth. If every trace of every religion were wiped out and nothing were passed on, it would never be recreated exactly that way again. There might be some other nonsense in its place, but not that exact nonsense.

If all of science were wiped out, it would still be true and someone would find a way to figure it all out again.

 
Paul Richard Harris is an Axis of Logic editor and columnist, based in Canada. He can be reached at paul@axisoflogic.com.

Read the Biography and additional articles by Axis Columnist, Paul Richard Harris

** This article was inspired by a graphic I ran across on the Internet.