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'Man, Dad...' -- Father's Day Greetings to Dads Who Weren't There - Youth Commentaries, PNS ( 0) Printer friendly page Print This
By Deep Speech, Cudabeez, 100 Namez, Goss, Lil' Teddy P
Imprisoned Youth in the San Francisco Bay Area
Sunday, Jun 1, 2003

'Man, Dad...'-- Locked Up Youth Write Father's Day Greetings to Dads Who Weren't There - Youth Commentaries,
Compiled by Michael Kroll,
Pacific News Service, Jun 06, 2003
Editor's Note: Incarcerated youth in the San Francisco Bay Area reflect on fathers who were rarely there but, sometimes, are loved anyway.
 
Dad
Peace dad
I get mad
'Cause you don't even deserve
That label
You left me a fable
About a man who works for
AT&T cable
As I sit at this table
That's bolted down to the floor
Livin' behind a four-inch steel door
With time to think
All these questions start to surface
My mind
They hurt so much
Smoke drugs so now the answers
Are hard find
So many questions
So much time
I find you didn't care
It isn't fair ....
You were gone
Like the wind
My momma was strong
Even under the pressure she
Didn't bend
We men
My only question is when
You' little boy
You never bought me one toy
I'm go'n' leave this unfinished
Like you left us
I got to make it for me
And that's a must
--Deep Speech, San Francisco County


 

My Dad
Well, my dad was like this,
he was in the game for a long time, ever since he was 13.
I was born when he was 16.
He got put into the Ranch when I was a 1-year-old.

When he got out at 18, he got me a JR50 dirt bike.
He had a 25KTM, and we did a lot of things together.

Then my little brother was born so my dad had to get on the grind hard,
and every time my dad did one of his jobs I was there.
When I turned 6, my dad got shot five times
for beating up my mom in Shoreview Hunters Point.

(I'm skipping a few parts 'cause of emotional reasons.)

Then three days after Christmas -- Dec. 28th, 1994
-- he got killed in front of me and damn near my whole neighborhood,
including one of my closet homies, JC.
Like that, my daddy was gone.

Then my grandmother and my grandfather did their best to raise me by staying on my ass real hard.

I still miss my dad very much, and I hope to see him again one day.
At the age 12 I started smoking weed.
Then I started popping stunnas (Ex'os) with my big homie.
We got em' on real big.
I miss my ninjas and my girls,
but I will be back soon to do better.

RIP Daddy, I miss you.

--Cudabeez, San Francisco County



A Fathers Love... A Son's Pain
 
Many inmates have grown up without their father.

Does that makes us what we are? Is that the reason?

That man who left my mother, brother and sister to come,
to better our lives by joining the Army, never returned.

That man, instead of returning,
made his roots as a drug dealer after going AWOL from the Army.

That man beat me since I was six.

That man took his sons' and daughter's money
to pay off his drug debt.

That man kicked me out when I hit 17.

That man still grows his money in my closet.

That man locked me in my room seventh, eighth, ninth, 10th grade...
no TV, no radio -- just my thoughts.

With each crack of his fist, each kick,
he took my heart out of my young chest,
but it still beats in the palms of his hands.

I may not have a heart... but it still beats....

I sold drugs but never cheated anyone.
I still live the streets.

He may have created me, but I am still here, he will not destroy me...
I will destroy me.

That man... who is that man? My father without a heart...
(which still beats in his hand)...
I still love... that man....
that man... my father.

Cry for that!

Why do they call me 100 Namez?
'Cause my father used 100 names for me!

--100 Namez, Alameda County

A Real Man

A real man to me is someone like my father.
My father is an honest man who loves all his children and treats all of them with respect.
He does his best to keep us satisfied,
buying us what we need and helping us with our problems.
He tries his best to keep us on the honor roll in school.

He shows us, meaning me and my little brother (Lil' Mannie) -- how to be real men.
And he teaches us to do right instead of wrong.

--Gos, Alameda County


Dad Where You Been

man dad where you been
now you come in my life
trying to get me to act right
it's been so long since i've seen you
i was about three or four
coming to see you locked behind closed doors
i'm a grown man now
too bad you couldn't watch me grow
you want me to come live with you
but you're so far away
but don't trip 'cause i'm coming
to get us on the right track
i'm still in the game
and pimpin' and doin' my thang
it's in my bloodline
that i got a thug mind
you can't get mad
'cause i got it from you
but i'm giving you a chance
so we can come anew

--Lil' Teddy-P, Alameda County

PNS contributor Michael Kroll (mkmitigates@hotmail.com) works with juvenile hall writers for The Beat Within,
a project of Pacific News Service. The Beat can be found on the Web at
www.thebeatwithin.org/news/.

http://news.pacificnews.org/news/view_article.html?article_id=e48035749cea58bef097972ec9a8bac4

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